Couples Counselling
Relationships: Failing, Surviving, or Thriving?
Relationships are foundational to human connection, yet many face significant challenges. Unfortunately, statistics reveal that a large number of relationships do not endure. Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the rates are even higher for common-law partnerships (Statistics Canada, 2022). While some relationships fail, others find themselves stuck in survival mode—barely hanging on under the weight of life’s demands. However, with effort and intentionality, relationships can move beyond survival and truly thrive.
The Reality of Survival Mode in Relationships
Many couples find themselves in survival mode, a state characterized by coasting or stagnation. For some, this might mean being on "cruise control," where the relationship functions without significant effort but lacks depth or growth. Others may feel consumed by the busyness of daily life, leaving little time or energy for meaningful connection. Financial pressures, demanding work schedules, and raising children can create a perfect storm that sidelines the relationship.
For others, survival mode is defined by persistent tension and unresolved conflicts. In such cases, the emotional wear and tear can erode intimacy, leaving partners feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. Over time, negative patterns of interaction may develop, making it even harder for couples to regain the closeness they once shared.
What Sets Thriving Relationships Apart
Thriving relationships require dedication, communication, and mutual growth. Partners in thriving relationships accept one another’s unique characteristics while also remaining open to change. They understand that a healthy relationship is not static—it evolves as individuals grow and as life circumstances change.
Research shows that thriving relationships are built on a foundation of emotional intimacy, effective communication, and shared values. For example, John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship dynamics, emphasizes the importance of building a “culture of appreciation,” where couples focus on expressing gratitude and affection rather than criticism and contempt.
While thriving relationships require effort, momentum often builds once couples begin to move in a positive direction. As partners experience improved communication and emotional connection, these behaviors become more natural and enjoyable. Over time, the relationship becomes a source of joy, strength, and resilience rather than a stressor.
Strategies for Moving Beyond Survival Mode
If your relationship feels stuck in survival mode, there is hope. Moving toward a thriving relationship involves intentional action and a willingness to address challenges. Some key strategies include:
Prioritize Communication: Open and honest communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship. Create space for regular check-ins where both partners can share their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Address Past Wounds: Unresolved conflicts or past hurts can keep a relationship stuck in survival mode. It’s important to acknowledge these issues and work toward resolution, either through self-reflection or with the help of a professional.
Invest in Quality Time: Life’s demands can pull couples in many directions, but dedicating time to connect is crucial. Whether it’s a weekly date night or a simple walk together, consistent quality time strengthens the bond.
Learn New Skills: Building a thriving relationship often requires learning new ways to communicate, resolve conflicts, and support one another. Couples therapy can be an excellent resource for developing these skills.
Celebrate Growth: As you and your partner make progress, take time to celebrate your successes, both big and small. Acknowledging growth reinforces positive behaviors and fosters a sense of teamwork.
Evidence-Based Approaches to Strengthening Relationships
For couples ready to move beyond survival mode, various therapeutic approaches can provide valuable guidance and support. Evidence-based models such as Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), Gottman Couples Therapy, and the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) have proven effective in helping couples restore and enhance their relationships.
Each of these therapeutic models is rooted in the belief that relationships thrive when partners feel seen, valued, and emotionally connected. However, therapy isn’t just about resolving conflicts; it’s also about rediscovering joy, playfulness, and shared goals. Couples often find that as they address the pain points in their relationship, they also uncover new opportunities to grow together in ways they never imagined.
Taking the Next Step
If your relationship feels stuck or unfulfilling, now is the time to take action. With the right support and a commitment to growth, you and your partner can move beyond survival mode and create a relationship that thrives.
Professional couples therapy offers a safe and supportive environment to explore challenges, heal past wounds, and develop the skills needed for a stronger connection. Whether through EFCT, Gottman Couples Therapy, or other approaches, therapy can help you rediscover joy and intimacy in your relationship.
A thriving relationship doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience, effort, and a willingness to grow, you and your partner can build a bond that is both fulfilling and enduring.
Contact the office if you have questions or if you’d like to book an appointment.