Grief & Loss Counselling
Support after loss, recent or long ago
Grief Doesn’t Follow a Timeline
Grief touches every part of life: the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a major life transition, or even the loss of health, identity, or future plans you once counted on. However grief shows up for you, there’s no “right” way to move through it, and no timeline you’re supposed to follow. You can bring a recent death, an anniversary that’s brought old pain back to the surface, or a loss from years ago that never fully resolved, and work through it at your own pace.
Vista Counselling provides grief and loss counselling in person at our Langley, BC office and online anywhere in BC, for bereavement, separation, anticipatory grief, and the losses that don’t always get named as grief.
Loss changes the shape of a life. You don’t have to find the new shape alone.
Common Experiences of Grief
Grief can show up as more than sadness. People often experience:
- Waves of intense emotion alternating with numbness
- Guilt, anger, or relief, sometimes all at once
- Difficulty concentrating, sleeping, or returning to daily routines
- A sense of disconnection from others who haven’t shared the loss
- Physical exhaustion or unexplained aches and pains
- Grief that feels “stuck,” where months pass and the intensity doesn’t shift
All of these are normal parts of grieving. Most people, given time and support, find their own way through without needing therapy. For a smaller number (an estimated 4–15% of bereaved adults), the yearning and preoccupation stay intense and disabling well beyond the first year, and grief stops moving at all. If that’s closer to your experience, or grief is interfering significantly with daily life, counselling can help.
Many people we see for grief have been holding things together for everyone else, whether that’s family, children or the people they work with. Counselling is often one of the few places where they don’t have to.
When the Loss Doesn’t Resolve
Not every loss comes with a death. Some stay open: a partner with a serious illness who nearly dies, recovers, and then nearly dies again; a child whose health never quite stabilises, so every plan stays provisional; month after month of trying to conceive, or a pregnancy lost and then another; a parent who is still here but no longer knows you; addiction; estrangement. Pauline Boss named this ambiguous loss, grief that can’t resolve because the situation itself won’t, and her conclusion is worth repeating: what’s unresolved is the situation, not the person living inside it. Others describe the same pattern as chronic sorrow: sadness that recedes and returns, set off each time by another crisis, another appointment, another reminder that this isn’t the life you’d planned on.
Grief like this often goes unnamed, including by the person carrying it. It rarely comes with the things that usually surround loss, like the moment when people know to show up, or the room to step back from ordinary life for a while. Sometimes nobody around you knows what you’re carrying. Sometimes everybody does, and for some it has gone on long enough to become the background. Either way it seldom gets called grief, which can leave you without a word for what you’re feeling, or any real sense that you’re entitled to feel it.
Grief can also carry you somewhere darker. If it ever tips into thoughts of not wanting to be here, that deserves immediate support, not a waiting list: call or text 9-8-8 (Canada’s suicide crisis helpline) or call 310-6789 (BC’s mental health line, no area code needed). Both are free, any time of day.
How We Work With Grief
Grief work starts with the loss itself: who or what you’ve lost, what has changed because of it, and what has made it difficult to move forward. We draw on different approaches depending on the nature of the loss, where you are in the grieving process, and what you’re needing most at the time.
After a loss, everyday life often changes too. Roles shift, family relationships can come under strain, there may be money worries or practical decisions to make, and for some people caregiving continues alongside the grief. We make room for these pressures in counselling as well, since they can add to what you’re carrying.
Some people choose to add NeurOptimal neurofeedback alongside counselling. Kevin has offered it since 2009, and some people find it helps them feel steadier and more grounded as they work through their grief.
Who You’ll Work With
Both of our counsellors work with grief and loss.
Dr. Kevin Klassen, PsyD
Practicing in Langley since 2009, Kevin works extensively with grief that is tangled with trauma.
Roshni Vedamanikam, MA, MSW
A Registered Clinical Counsellor since 2003, Roshni brings an integrative style that includes narrative therapy, often a natural fit for grief work. Sessions with Roshni are online.
What to Expect
There’s nothing you need to prepare. Some people come ready to talk about the loss; others spend the first session talking around it, and that’s fine. Grief sets its own pace and we follow yours. We’ll ask what happened, what the weeks since have been like, and what support you do and don’t have. If it helps to bring photos, or to say nothing at all for a while, both are welcome.
Grief Support in Langley
Our office is in Langley, with free on-site parking and easy access from Highway 1. People come to us from Walnut Grove, Fort Langley, Willoughby, Brookswood, Murrayville, Cloverdale, Surrey, Maple Ridge and across the Fraser Valley, and we meet online with clients anywhere in BC. Directions are on our location page.
FAQs
Is it normal to still be grieving years later?
Yes. Grief doesn’t follow a fixed timeline, and anniversaries, holidays, or unrelated life events can bring grief back to the surface even years later. If grief feels “stuck” or is significantly impacting your daily functioning, counselling can help you process it more fully. When grief stays this intense and disabling for more than a year, clinicians sometimes call it prolonged grief disorder. The label matters less than what it points at: grief that has stopped moving, and that usually responds to focused work rather than more time.
How do I know if this is grief or depression?
There’s real overlap. Both can bring low mood, exhaustion, poor sleep and loss of interest, and you can have both at once. The difference people usually notice is in the shape of it. Grief tends to come in waves, with moments of warmth or even humour in between, and the pain stays connected to the person or thing you lost. Depression is flatter and more constant, and it tends to turn inward, against yourself, rather than toward the loss. If you’re not sure, that’s a good thing to sort out together rather than alone, and it changes what we’d actually do in sessions. We also have a page on depression counselling if that’s closer to what you’re recognising.
Can I grieve someone who’s still alive?
Yes, and more people do than say so. When someone you love is seriously ill, living with dementia, caught in addiction, or estranged from you, the relationship you had can be gone while the person is still here. Grief like this usually arrives without any of the usual markers, which can leave you feeling you haven’t earned it. You have. And if the situation keeps changing, the grief will too. That’s the nature of this kind of loss, not a sign you’re handling it badly.
What’s the difference between grief counselling and general counselling?
Grief counselling focuses specifically on loss and bereavement: how grief actually moves (less like tidy stages, more like waves that arrive on their own schedule), what prolonged grief looks like, and the ways loss changes identity, relationships, and daily functioning.
Can counselling help with anticipatory grief (grieving before a loss happens)?
Yes. Anticipatory grief, such as preparing for the death of a loved one with a terminal illness, is common and can be just as intense as grief after a loss. We support clients through this process as well.
Do you offer grief counselling online?
Yes, we offer secure online sessions for clients throughout British Columbia.
What does a session cost?
Sessions are 50 minutes. The fee is $200 per session with Dr. Kevin Klassen and $165 per session with Roshni Vedamanikam. Many extended health plans cover counselling with a Registered Clinical Counsellor, so it’s worth confirming your coverage before your first session. Full details, including our cancellation policy, are on our FAQ page.